Bottle blues

When we met with Gavin's Speech Pathologist (Heather) a couple weeks ago, she said that we would need to get authorization from our insurance before continuing the bottle-feeding clinics with her. My insurance requires a pre-authorization for speech therapy, so we have been waiting for Heather to call us back to let us know if the pre-authorization was approved by our insurance. Well, on Friday, she called to let me know that Gavin's pediatrician had to approve the pre-authorization and, after reading the report about our desire to work on bottle-feeding, he denied it. So we would not be able to meet with her to work on the bottle. I was so distressed about it since Gavin struggles so much with bottle-feeding and we need him to take a bottle when I return to work. I even ordered some bottles that seem absolutely amazing because they look and feel more like a mother's breast than any other nipples I have found. They even require the same suction and compression actions used with breast-feeding. So I was hopeful that they might be the best for Gav. So I made an appointment with Gavin's pediatrician today to explain the reason for trying the bottle and to try to convince him to approve the authorization.

I think I may have mentioned before that his pediatrician is really against bottle-feeding. So, after explaining our reasons to him, he basically said that if Gavin gets hungry enough while I am away, he will eat. Hmmm.... I don't think I really like that answer. I also expressed my concerns over Gavin's circumcision, since I had noticed that it seemed red and pulled apart in one spot. He said that it had adhered together in some spots and would eventually put apart on it's own. This worried me as well since I have heard horror stories about circumcision's fusing back together and requiring surgery. When Dr. Shafai showed me where it had already pulled apart on it's own, Gavin started screaming, so I grabbed him quickly to comfort him. We were also told that he has a herniated belly-button, but that it would go away by the time he is 2 or 3. Well, we certainly didn't get a lot of good news today. The doctor said other than that, Gavin is doing great and seems very healthy. He is even up to 11.14 pounds. I am concerned about his belly-button, circumcision, and bottle-feeding. I'm probably going to put Neosporin® on his circumcision, but I hope that it will get better soon like the doctor says it will. Has anyone else had this problem? And what about his doctor's advice? And does anyone near the Riverside/Corona area have a great pediatrician they might recommend? I'm not sure if I should stick with ours. As much as we like him, I'm just starting to have a few concerns.

On another note, tomorrow is Gavin's pre-opp appointment at Loma Linda. I am feeling so emotional over the whole thing. I cry almost every time I think about it. And after receiving a wonderful email from a new cleft buddy, Joy, it became even more real. She offered great advice, but nonetheless, I cried my eyes out reading it. Having a blog has been so wonderful because it has allowed me to connect with other cleft-affected families who have already been very helpful. We met Darcy while Gavin was in the hospital for dehydration and have continued to keep in touch with her through blogs and emails. It is so nice to have people to talk to during this experience. And, both Darcy and Joy's children had the same surgeon that Gavin will have, Dr. Martin, so that is encouraging as their children are absolutely beautiful! Both moms even said I could call them or meet with them if I needed help and support through this experience since they both live locally. So thank you, ladies! You and my other new blogging friends have been a great support system!

Wish us luck with our appointment tomorrow! Here are two cute pictures taken recently:

Fun-Filled Days

The past two days have been very fun for us! On Wednesday, I dressed Gavin in his new shorts and of course, he looked adorable. It was a bit sad for me, though, since I officially had to box up his newborn clothes and move him into the 3 month size. Awwww....
Mamaw and Papaw came to visit that day and we always enjoy spending time with them. When Papaw held Gavin, he was so comfortable that he fell asleep!
Yesterday was my 27th birthday and it was a great day for me! My good friend, Virginia, who I met while attending Cal Baptist University, came to visit with her adorable 5-month old son, Vincent. While going through the teacher credential program together, Virginia and I realized we had a lot in common and we became great friends. She was there for me during my miscarriage and throughout my pregnancy with Gav and I love her for that! It was so wonderful to visit with her just have some girl time!

After she left, Evie came over and gave me a pedicure for my birthday. It was soooo wonderful, just what I needed. She has her cosmetology license and is amazingly talented. She was going to give me a head massage as well, but Gav woke up from a nap right then, so I had to take a rain check. I was so excited because Gavin loves his Aunt Evie and smiles at her constantly, so she was able to get a good smiling picture of him. It is so cute!
My boss, Karen, also came over to deliver my birthday gift from my co-workers yesterday afternoon. It was very nice to see Karen as she is more like family than a boss. While at work, I love all of our conversations and constant laughter, so I miss that. But, I still don't want to return to work! I'm going to miss Gav terribly! I am scheduled to return August 1, that way, I can stay home to care for him after his surgery. Then, Matt will begin working nights so he can watch him during the day. So, we won't have to use daycare. Hooray!

We ended the night by going to dinner with two good friends, Billy and Courtney. My mom and Evie watched Gav while we were gone. Before we left, my mom tried feeding Gavin a bottle because he was hungry. He started fussing, but then Matt turned on the vacuum (another sound he loves in addition to the blow dryer!) and lo and behold - he took the bottle! He drank 3 1/2 ounces and we were so excited! Some friends and family have asked why I want him to bottle-feed when he is breastfeeding so well. I want it for a few reasons, but one is that once I return to work, Matt will need a way to feed him while I am away. Also, it is nice to have it as a back-up in case I need to go somewhere or just need a little "me time." :o) But I am planning on continuing breastfeeding as long as I can.

No Cheese, Please!

When Gavin was about 6 weeks old, we discovered he had colic. I had suspected it for some time, but after doing some investigation, I was certain that he had it. He was very gassy and would often arch his back and scream in pain. This was awful for me because it broke my heart to see my little man in pain when there was nothing I could do about it. I read that the most common offender of colic is cow's milk and other dairy products. Unfortunately, I pretty much live on dairy products and high-fiber foods - bean and cheese burritos, cheese quesadillas, grilled cheese, milk, yogurt, cottage cheese, etcetera; so I knew it would be a difficult transition for me. Well, it wasn't nearly as hard as I thought. For someone who ate Taco Bell bean and cheese burritos at least three times a week, I thought that I would go through withdrawals, but I didn't. When it comes to doing what is best for Gav, anything is doable. So I cut out all dairy products and bought Mylecon drops to help with Gavin's gas pains and over the course of the next few weeks, we saw a big improvement.

Unfortunately, when we tried the bottle the other day, the milk I had frozen was pumped prior to my change in diet, so poor Gavin had more gas pains that evening. He didn't even sleep through the night that night. He went to bed at his usual 10 p.m., but then woke up at 1:30 a.m. crying in pain. We had discovered quite by accident that the sound of the blow dryer soothes him, so Grandpa and Grandma S created a 40-minute blow dryer CD for us! :o) When he wouldn't stop crying that night, I rocked him in our recliner while the blow dryer CD played. He finally calmed down and was back to bed by about 3:45 a.m.

The next day (yesterday), he was still feeling the effects of that gas-inducing milk. He was a bit fussy all day and cried in pain on and off. He didn't take very many naps so I figured he would sleep well. Thankfully, he slept last night from 10 p.m. to 5 a.m. - a very nice 7-hour stretch after our rough previous night!

Trying the Bottle

Matt and I ended up trying the Pigeon bottle again at home a few days after I had success with it at Loma Linda.  Well, it was a terrible experience.  Gavin screamed at the top of his lungs the whole time and had big crocodile tears pouring out of his eyes.  It was so heartbreaking!  We tried and tried, but ended up just letting him breastfeed because it was too traumatic for all of us.

On Friday, I got a call from the Speech Pathologist, Heather, because she would like to set up another appointment for us to meet with her and work on bottle-feeding again.  I hope we can because I really want Matt to go this time since he will be doing a majority of the bottle-feeding.  Last time, he couldn't go because he had to work.  So we are keeping our fingers crossed for another appointment, it has to be pre-authorized for our insurance, but they are pretty slow lately.

When I told Heather about our awful bottle experience, she explained that it may be best for Matt to try the bottle-feeding since Gav already associates me with breastfeeding.  Also, babies can sense their mothers up to 20 feet away, so it might also help if I am not in the room.  Wow, very interesting!  So today we decided to attempt the bottle again.  Matt tried first, but Gavin starting screaming and both my boys were feeling frustrated pretty quickly.  I calmed Gavin down and then tried the bottle myself by placing it right near my breast, and surprisingly, it worked!  He fussed a bit, but then took the bottle!  I was so excited.  We never know how much he drinks when he is breastfeeding, so I was interested to see that he drank about 2 1/2 ounces. This experience left Matt and I feeling a bit more encouraged about the bottle.  We want to try it again tonight if we can.  Let's hope for more success!

Here are two cute pictures of my sweet boy napping yesterday.

2 Months Old

At 8 1/2 weeks, my sister, Evie, and I brought Gav back to Loma Linda to meet with the Speech Pathologist for dysplasia, which is basically his suck, swallow, breathe reflex. He is still struggling a bit with feeding; he pauses frequently and often makes gulping noises. For this appointment, I brought some breast milk and the two bottles the Speech Pathologist had provided for us at our previous appointment-the Pigeon and the MeadJohnson-along with a Nuk bottle I had purchased. I was nervous to try the bottle, but also hopeful, as it would allow others to feed Gavin if needed. He was a bit fussy at the appointment, but surprisingly, he took to the Pigeon nipple with the MeadJohnson bottle right away. I was so excited to see my precious boy drinking so well from a bottle. I felt happy and encouraged that he would be able to take a bottle when Matt stays home with him once I return to work.

Gavin officially reached his 2 month birthday this week! He is growing so fast. He has his consultation with the Plastic Surgeon, Dr. Martin, next week. We are feeling very anxious about it. I had read about other parents feeling sad when their children had surgery, as they had gotten used to their baby's "wide smile." Well, Matt and I know the feeling! Gavin is perfect and adorable just the way his is and the thought of his cute face having a new look is a bit sad. It brings tears to my eyes thinking about it! But I know he will be just as cute as ever and it will be better for him. I'm hoping that breastfeeding will be a bit easier for him once the surgery is done.

Gavin has always slept on his tummy, despite doctor's warnings. He simply does not like to sleep on his back. He does do so on rare occasions, but usually, if I lay him on his back, he will fuss. However, I did notice that he seems to enjoy laying on his back when he's awake and looking up at things. So, Matt and I bought him a Lay & Play mat with a rainforest theme. We figured he would like it, but we had no idea that it would become Gav's favorite play thing! He went crazy when we laid him on it! He was cooing, kicking his legs and smiling a ton! It was the cutest thing.

7 Weeks Old

I am still desperately trying to get a picture of Gavin smiling, but every time I bring the camera out, he becomes fascinated by it and stops smiling to stare. However, I was able to catch the end of one of his sweet smiles in the adorable pic:

We had an appointment at Loma Linda this week to meet with the speech pathologist. She had wanted to check in with how Gavin was eating and see if we had tried the bottles. I told her that I hadn't tried them and explained my apprehension. She was very understanding and said that she and Dr. Elmendorf (the team pediatrician) would actually prefer that I breastfeed, so it was okay. However, I told her that I wanted to have the option of a bottle as a back-up, so she said she wanted to see us again the following week to work on getting him to take a bottle.

I also realized that Gavin was really growing fast. His feet no longer fit in some of his cute newborn shoes and socks. Although Gav was born at 7.98 pounds, he dropped to just 6.1 pounds when he became dehydrated. However, this week, during our visit to Loma Linda, we found out that he was already up to 10 pounds! It was very exciting to know that he was growing so quickly. Here is a cute picture of his little "big" feet:

This was also an exceptionally special week for me because I got to celebrate my very first Mother's Day! It was so wonderful to celebrate being a mom, which has proven to be the most wonderful job in the world! Gavin wore a very appropriate onsie for the special day.

3 Weeks Old

I had always been a girl who loves my sleep. Prior to being a mom, I would sleep in on weekends until just before noon at times! Well, being a mom certainly changes that! I found the new hours difficult to adjust to, and would try to sleep anytime Gav was sleeping. Although, most people considered me lucky since Gavin was only waking up once in the middle of the night to eat, usually around 3 a.m. However, I was still feeling sleep deprived and exhausted. I called my mom almost daily in tears and would ask for her advice. Being Gavin's mom is wonderful, but at the time I was feeling like I had lost myself. I was sleeping so much that I would stay in my pajama's all day and take my shower when Matt would get home from work. So I was feeling gross and tired most of the time. Finally, my mom gave me the best advice I could have gotten, which was to get my lazy butt up when Gav woke up for the day, take my shower, put on make-up and feel like a human being! LOL. That truly was the advice I needed. After that point, my whole attitude changed. I felt so much better after I started doing that! That's what moms are for! Here is a picture of Grandma C with Gav:

Gavin also got his first real bath. I prepared the water in the little basin they gave us from the hospital, but he didn't seem to enjoy it at all!

We also tried to have his infant photo shoot with my sis-in-law (the one who did our amazing maternity pics). Gavin was just waking up from a nap when she got there, so all he wanted to do was eat. Unfortunately, it was also one of those days when he was having trouble latching on, so we only got a few shots done, but they are so adorable:


At 3 1/2 weeks old, we had our first visit to Loma Linda Children's Hospital, where Gavin will have his surgery. During this visit, we also met a few members of Gavin's craniofacial team, which consists of about 8 different doctors and medical professionals who will meet with us regularly over the next few years. We met the pediatrician, speech pathologist, and geneticist. The pediatrician explained that generally, cleft lip repair requires 2-3 surgeries, which was not exactly what we wanted to hear. We didn't like the idea of putting our baby through even one surgery, but we knew it had to be done. But we were both happy with the pediatrician; he seems to be a kind and knowledgeable person.

The speech pathologist was also very wonderful, she gave us 2 different bottles to try at home, since Gavin will need to bottle feed when I return to work. I still plan on breastfeeding when I am home, but he will have to drink pumped breast milk while I am away. The bottles were the Pigeon, which has a very soft and thick nipple, and the Mead-Johnson, which has a long, thin nipple and a squeezable bottle. I was nervous about trying the bottles, considering all the difficulty we had getting Gav to latch on and wasn't quite sure I would try either one. But I knew eventually it would have to be done.

The geneticist asked us a series of questions to try to determine a possible reason for Gavin's cleft. When I told her that both my mom and aunt had cleft palates, she was surprised. Then she explained that cleft lips and cleft palates are two completely different abnormalities, so having a baby with a cleft lip, when cleft palates without the lip are in my family, is quite unusual. Therefore, she was unable to estimate our chances of having another baby with a cleft lip. This was interesting news, however, Matt and I agreed that it wouldn't make a difference to us whether or not our next baby would have a cleft as well. Gavin has brought us so much love and joy and his cleft is just a small hurdle for us to overcome. He has truly made our lives so much greater!