Bottle blues

When we met with Gavin's Speech Pathologist (Heather) a couple weeks ago, she said that we would need to get authorization from our insurance before continuing the bottle-feeding clinics with her. My insurance requires a pre-authorization for speech therapy, so we have been waiting for Heather to call us back to let us know if the pre-authorization was approved by our insurance. Well, on Friday, she called to let me know that Gavin's pediatrician had to approve the pre-authorization and, after reading the report about our desire to work on bottle-feeding, he denied it. So we would not be able to meet with her to work on the bottle. I was so distressed about it since Gavin struggles so much with bottle-feeding and we need him to take a bottle when I return to work. I even ordered some bottles that seem absolutely amazing because they look and feel more like a mother's breast than any other nipples I have found. They even require the same suction and compression actions used with breast-feeding. So I was hopeful that they might be the best for Gav. So I made an appointment with Gavin's pediatrician today to explain the reason for trying the bottle and to try to convince him to approve the authorization.

I think I may have mentioned before that his pediatrician is really against bottle-feeding. So, after explaining our reasons to him, he basically said that if Gavin gets hungry enough while I am away, he will eat. Hmmm.... I don't think I really like that answer. I also expressed my concerns over Gavin's circumcision, since I had noticed that it seemed red and pulled apart in one spot. He said that it had adhered together in some spots and would eventually put apart on it's own. This worried me as well since I have heard horror stories about circumcision's fusing back together and requiring surgery. When Dr. Shafai showed me where it had already pulled apart on it's own, Gavin started screaming, so I grabbed him quickly to comfort him. We were also told that he has a herniated belly-button, but that it would go away by the time he is 2 or 3. Well, we certainly didn't get a lot of good news today. The doctor said other than that, Gavin is doing great and seems very healthy. He is even up to 11.14 pounds. I am concerned about his belly-button, circumcision, and bottle-feeding. I'm probably going to put Neosporin® on his circumcision, but I hope that it will get better soon like the doctor says it will. Has anyone else had this problem? And what about his doctor's advice? And does anyone near the Riverside/Corona area have a great pediatrician they might recommend? I'm not sure if I should stick with ours. As much as we like him, I'm just starting to have a few concerns.

On another note, tomorrow is Gavin's pre-opp appointment at Loma Linda. I am feeling so emotional over the whole thing. I cry almost every time I think about it. And after receiving a wonderful email from a new cleft buddy, Joy, it became even more real. She offered great advice, but nonetheless, I cried my eyes out reading it. Having a blog has been so wonderful because it has allowed me to connect with other cleft-affected families who have already been very helpful. We met Darcy while Gavin was in the hospital for dehydration and have continued to keep in touch with her through blogs and emails. It is so nice to have people to talk to during this experience. And, both Darcy and Joy's children had the same surgeon that Gavin will have, Dr. Martin, so that is encouraging as their children are absolutely beautiful! Both moms even said I could call them or meet with them if I needed help and support through this experience since they both live locally. So thank you, ladies! You and my other new blogging friends have been a great support system!

Wish us luck with our appointment tomorrow! Here are two cute pictures taken recently:

2 Months Old

At 8 1/2 weeks, my sister, Evie, and I brought Gav back to Loma Linda to meet with the Speech Pathologist for dysplasia, which is basically his suck, swallow, breathe reflex. He is still struggling a bit with feeding; he pauses frequently and often makes gulping noises. For this appointment, I brought some breast milk and the two bottles the Speech Pathologist had provided for us at our previous appointment-the Pigeon and the MeadJohnson-along with a Nuk bottle I had purchased. I was nervous to try the bottle, but also hopeful, as it would allow others to feed Gavin if needed. He was a bit fussy at the appointment, but surprisingly, he took to the Pigeon nipple with the MeadJohnson bottle right away. I was so excited to see my precious boy drinking so well from a bottle. I felt happy and encouraged that he would be able to take a bottle when Matt stays home with him once I return to work.

Gavin officially reached his 2 month birthday this week! He is growing so fast. He has his consultation with the Plastic Surgeon, Dr. Martin, next week. We are feeling very anxious about it. I had read about other parents feeling sad when their children had surgery, as they had gotten used to their baby's "wide smile." Well, Matt and I know the feeling! Gavin is perfect and adorable just the way his is and the thought of his cute face having a new look is a bit sad. It brings tears to my eyes thinking about it! But I know he will be just as cute as ever and it will be better for him. I'm hoping that breastfeeding will be a bit easier for him once the surgery is done.

Gavin has always slept on his tummy, despite doctor's warnings. He simply does not like to sleep on his back. He does do so on rare occasions, but usually, if I lay him on his back, he will fuss. However, I did notice that he seems to enjoy laying on his back when he's awake and looking up at things. So, Matt and I bought him a Lay & Play mat with a rainforest theme. We figured he would like it, but we had no idea that it would become Gav's favorite play thing! He went crazy when we laid him on it! He was cooing, kicking his legs and smiling a ton! It was the cutest thing.

7 Weeks Old

I am still desperately trying to get a picture of Gavin smiling, but every time I bring the camera out, he becomes fascinated by it and stops smiling to stare. However, I was able to catch the end of one of his sweet smiles in the adorable pic:

We had an appointment at Loma Linda this week to meet with the speech pathologist. She had wanted to check in with how Gavin was eating and see if we had tried the bottles. I told her that I hadn't tried them and explained my apprehension. She was very understanding and said that she and Dr. Elmendorf (the team pediatrician) would actually prefer that I breastfeed, so it was okay. However, I told her that I wanted to have the option of a bottle as a back-up, so she said she wanted to see us again the following week to work on getting him to take a bottle.

I also realized that Gavin was really growing fast. His feet no longer fit in some of his cute newborn shoes and socks. Although Gav was born at 7.98 pounds, he dropped to just 6.1 pounds when he became dehydrated. However, this week, during our visit to Loma Linda, we found out that he was already up to 10 pounds! It was very exciting to know that he was growing so quickly. Here is a cute picture of his little "big" feet:

This was also an exceptionally special week for me because I got to celebrate my very first Mother's Day! It was so wonderful to celebrate being a mom, which has proven to be the most wonderful job in the world! Gavin wore a very appropriate onsie for the special day.

3 Weeks Old

I had always been a girl who loves my sleep. Prior to being a mom, I would sleep in on weekends until just before noon at times! Well, being a mom certainly changes that! I found the new hours difficult to adjust to, and would try to sleep anytime Gav was sleeping. Although, most people considered me lucky since Gavin was only waking up once in the middle of the night to eat, usually around 3 a.m. However, I was still feeling sleep deprived and exhausted. I called my mom almost daily in tears and would ask for her advice. Being Gavin's mom is wonderful, but at the time I was feeling like I had lost myself. I was sleeping so much that I would stay in my pajama's all day and take my shower when Matt would get home from work. So I was feeling gross and tired most of the time. Finally, my mom gave me the best advice I could have gotten, which was to get my lazy butt up when Gav woke up for the day, take my shower, put on make-up and feel like a human being! LOL. That truly was the advice I needed. After that point, my whole attitude changed. I felt so much better after I started doing that! That's what moms are for! Here is a picture of Grandma C with Gav:

Gavin also got his first real bath. I prepared the water in the little basin they gave us from the hospital, but he didn't seem to enjoy it at all!

We also tried to have his infant photo shoot with my sis-in-law (the one who did our amazing maternity pics). Gavin was just waking up from a nap when she got there, so all he wanted to do was eat. Unfortunately, it was also one of those days when he was having trouble latching on, so we only got a few shots done, but they are so adorable:


At 3 1/2 weeks old, we had our first visit to Loma Linda Children's Hospital, where Gavin will have his surgery. During this visit, we also met a few members of Gavin's craniofacial team, which consists of about 8 different doctors and medical professionals who will meet with us regularly over the next few years. We met the pediatrician, speech pathologist, and geneticist. The pediatrician explained that generally, cleft lip repair requires 2-3 surgeries, which was not exactly what we wanted to hear. We didn't like the idea of putting our baby through even one surgery, but we knew it had to be done. But we were both happy with the pediatrician; he seems to be a kind and knowledgeable person.

The speech pathologist was also very wonderful, she gave us 2 different bottles to try at home, since Gavin will need to bottle feed when I return to work. I still plan on breastfeeding when I am home, but he will have to drink pumped breast milk while I am away. The bottles were the Pigeon, which has a very soft and thick nipple, and the Mead-Johnson, which has a long, thin nipple and a squeezable bottle. I was nervous about trying the bottles, considering all the difficulty we had getting Gav to latch on and wasn't quite sure I would try either one. But I knew eventually it would have to be done.

The geneticist asked us a series of questions to try to determine a possible reason for Gavin's cleft. When I told her that both my mom and aunt had cleft palates, she was surprised. Then she explained that cleft lips and cleft palates are two completely different abnormalities, so having a baby with a cleft lip, when cleft palates without the lip are in my family, is quite unusual. Therefore, she was unable to estimate our chances of having another baby with a cleft lip. This was interesting news, however, Matt and I agreed that it wouldn't make a difference to us whether or not our next baby would have a cleft as well. Gavin has brought us so much love and joy and his cleft is just a small hurdle for us to overcome. He has truly made our lives so much greater!